No, it's not "all how you raise them."

As a Certified Dog Behavior Consultant specializing in separation anxiety training, I work with a lot of dogs whose profound fear and anxiety makes it difficult for them and their humans to live happy lives together. When “alone time” behavior issues like barking, howling, whining, and destruction are threatening the human-animal bond and both ends of the leash are desperate for stress relief, it’s common for me to be asked how this life-altering behavior issue could have been prevented. Guardians of rescue dogs start fantasizing about starting with a “clean slate” next round and adopting a puppy, while my clients who’ve had their puppies from near infancy lament the unpredictability of beginning a relationship at such a young age and wish they’d adopted an adult dog that might be more of a “known quantity.”

Wherever you are in your dog parenting journey, whether you are experiencing dog separation anxiety and need the help of a training specialist ASAP or you are just starting a new relationship and want to ensure you don’t make a significant misstep, there’s something you need to know. Maybe you’ll find it comforting, maybe it will make you want to pull out your hair and scream, maybe you’ll find it “old news.” Whatever your response, what you need to hear is this:

It’s not “all how you raise them.”

You can “do everything right” and still wind up with an anxious dog.

This is not your fault, so please be gentle with yourself and your dog as you work with a dog behavior consultant to navigate any behavior issues that arise in your life with your dog.

Fear in dogs can come from a variety of sources, and it’s much more complicated than just the way you handle those first few weeks home. Here are the five primary causes of fear and anxiety in dogs, and how you can stack the deck in your favor before you bring your dog home.

Fear comes from genetic predisposition.

Fearful dogs make fearful puppies. Certain breeds are more prone to fear and anxiety, but fearful individuals from any breed or mix are more likely to create fearful puppies.

Overcoming genetic predispositions to fear, anxiety, or aggression through training and socialization is a Herculean effort and does not always succeed.

If adopting a puppy from a breeder, always ask to meet the mother before committing. Dad too, if possible! If you're not excited about the behavior you see in mama, consider a different puppy. If the breeder won’t let you meet mom at all, move along and look for your new companion elsewhere. If a breeder won’t allow potential adopters to meet mama and see where she and puppies have been living, this is a big red flag and should set off enough alarm bells in your brain to lead to a polite but firm end to that relationship. Find a puppy elsewhere!

If adopting a puppy from a rescue, ask whether mom is available to meet. “Orphaned” litters are common in shelters and rescues, and an inability to meet your puppy’s mom isn’t the big red flag it is with breeders, but it does mean you are going into this relationship with a great deal less predictability than you might like. If it’s important to you to have an emotionally stable, confident adult dog and you would find it a great hardship to manage a dog with separation anxiety, “stranger danger”, or other significant behavior issues, resist that cute puppy face and hold out for a puppy who arrived at the rescue in mom’s care.

Fear comes from maternal stress.

Mom dogs stressed during pregnancy are more likely to produce fearful puppies. If your puppy's mother spent part or all of her pregnancy feeling stressed or scared, there's a much higher chance that your puppy will develop fear or anxiety later in life.

In the US, many puppies come from commercial breeding facilities where mother dogs are kept in poor conditions and chronically stressed. While these facilities frequently produce cute, seemingly cheerful puppies, heartbreaking behavior problems can arise as these puppies mature. Avoid "third-party vendors" such as online marketplaces or pet stores that make it hard to identify your puppy's source, and know that an advertisement for a "USDA-certified" breeder is a red flag.

Look for happy moms experiencing pregnancy in homes where they feel safe, with people they trust. Puppies born to dogs who were strays, living with animals they didn’t get along with or people they were scared of, or experiencing multiple stressful transitions during pregnancy have a greater chance of being fearful or anxious as an adult than those whose mothers had easy, stress-free pregnancies. If dog separation anxiety or other serious behavior issues would threaten your bond with a new dog long-term, resist the urge to adopt a “sad story” and instead look for a puppy born into relative comfort.

Fear comes from maternal behavior.

Mom dogs stressed while raising and nursing their puppies model fearful and anxious behavior to their puppies. Even puppies with "good genetics" will pick up fear if their mom is displaying fear after birth.

Before adopting a puppy, ask questions about mama's behavior during puppy-rearing. Was she relaxed and comfortable? Was she happy and social with the people or other animals near her "puppy den"? Was she feeling safe enough to engage in normal "maintenance behaviors" like cleaning the nest, grooming her babies, and eating regularly? If you get reports of fear, anxiety, or aggression from mom, find a different puppy.

Mama dogs raising their puppies in crowded kennel settings such as animal shelters or commercial breeding facilities are likely to raise more fearful and anxious puppies than moms who are in predictable environments where they feel safe. Look for a rescue that places pregnant and nursing dogs in foster homes ASAP, or adopt from a behavior-savvy breeder who only breeds dogs that enjoy motherhood and comfortably accept new people handling their puppies for routine care.

Fear comes from lack of positive experiences.

By now, most people are aware of the importance of early and robust socialization for puppies. Giving your puppy a bulk of positive experiences before 12 weeks of age provides a "behavioral vaccination" against future fear, anxiety and aggression.

But did you know that that window starts at 3 weeks, long before you bring your puppy home? If you want your puppy to be a well-adjusted, happy pet, make sure they have practice being a happy pet before you bring them home!

Avoid puppies raised in barns or outdoor pens and instead look for a puppy who has grown up indoors, around people, other pets, and household noises. These very early experiences with normal household noises and routine teach your puppy that these things are safe and ordinary, not something to get worked up about. A puppy who has already had 8 weeks of safe exposure to household appliances, people coming and going, and other animals moving around has a fantastic foundation of good experiences before they even head to their “forever home!”

Fear comes from negative experiences.

Avoiding negative experiences is a crucial part of puppy rearing, but it's hard work! A bad vet visit, a scary interaction with a child, a rushed attempt at crate training, or a too-rough play session with another dog can all create fear, especially if it isn't balanced out by sufficient positive experiences.

We do our best to avoid bad experiences for our puppies, but sometimes they happen before we bring them home! Being separated from mom too soon, a traumatic shipping experience by plane or car, or medical trauma due to a puppyhood illness can all create fear.

“Old school” training that relies on punishment to “correct” unwanted behavior is a significant source of fear in dogs! Training that teaches dogs to fear scary consequences for “messing up” creates less optimistic, more anxious dogs than training dogs to anticipate joyful consequences for “getting it right.” Whether you are training a puppy or an adult rescue, working with a qualified dog behavior consultant or certified dog trainer who uses a LIMA approach to prevent and resolve behavior issues is crucial!

Fear is complicated!

There are steps we can and do take to set our puppies up for success. We socialize, we train, we bubble wrap them from bad experiences, and we do our best to adopt from sources where moms are loved and cared for.

And yet...sometimes it still goes south.

Please be gentle with yourself if your puppy didn't turn out the way you hoped. It could be genetics, maternal factors, or a scary event that happened despite your best efforts. Excellent puppy raisers still sometimes end up with fearful dogs.

If predictability is a crucial ingredient for a successful life with your new dog and you don’t have the flexibility or social support to thrive alongside a dog with serious behavior issues such as separation anxiety, adopting an adult dog from a foster-based rescue or directly from an individual who can no longer keep their companion animal can be a great option to increase the probability of an easier relationship, but it is important to remember that all relationships require some level of flexibility! Just as we make compromises in our friendships and romantic relationships, we need to be ready to compromise in our relationships with our companion animals, as well!

If you need help finding new flexibility and ease in your relationship with your dog, or you want to meet with a dog training specialist before you adopt to create your best chance of success, please reach out! I would love to help you and your dog make the most of the hand you’ve been dealt and find strategies to live a joyful life even if fear or anxiety make that difficult. Please reach out so we can discuss your needs for a personalized separation anxiety program or other canine behavior consulting.